5 major issues that promote intruders in marriages

Most often, intruders do not show up unexpectedly. They are a sign of some deeper issues in the marriage. They are the fruit, not the cause of the problem. For instance, extra-marital affairs in most couples don’t simply happen to a marriage that was healthy until “the other” showed up. When a marriage contains conflict, we tend to busy ourselves in other people and activities, because that is less painful than facing some seemingly unsolvable problem at home day after day. Below are some of the major issues that promote intruders in marriages.

1.  A natural consequence of intimacy

The very nature of emotional intimacy can become one of the reasons for vulnerability to outside intruders. Intimacy means that you get to know your spouse as he really is, with all his strengths and weaknesses, positive characteristics and faults, sins, and imperfections.When you discover them, you will face a new kind of challenge: you have to accept yourself and your spouse as both of you are right now and learn to overcome your negative traits together.

• Not knowing your limits

Another common reason for the presence of intruders in a marriage is that one or both of the spouses may not be aware of their own limitations. They may care for each other, but nevertheless spend a lot of time and energy on other things. There is only one way out. Stop rescuing your spouse over and over again.

• Taking the marriage for granted

This is a very immature perspective of marriage institution. A closely related issue is that one or both of the partners may not be aware of the fragility of marriage. They adopt the mentality that everything is fine, as long as no major crises are going on. In a sense, they take the marriage for granted and do not work on it unless they are really in trouble.

• Problems in setting boundaries with others

Sometimes, third parties intrude into our marriage because we have never learned to say no to other people. For instance, we don’t want to hurt our elderly mother who feels so alone unless we spend every other evening together with her. If you’re married to a person who is afraid of saying no to others and feels guilty about it, refrain from nagging because this only increases her fears. But do not ignore the problem either, as it won’t go away by itself.

• Inability to live with differences

Sometimes a couples allow the outside world to intrude into their marriage because one or both of the spouses cannot deal with the differences between them. Ability to deal with your differences is a sign of our maturity. If we can’t accept the differences of our spouse, we easily become the prey of intruders who agree with us. There are, of course, other possible reasons for intruders in our marriage. Most of them have to do with weaknesses in our character, which become more apparent as the intimacy between us and our spouse grows.

We hope you found this article valuable and hope it gave you some good idea on what promotes the presence of intruders in your marriage. Got any views to share? Let us know in the comments box below.